The Laph

Aye, me frendlee pipriatoor Skott, Good mrnin’ to yaz!
Herez hoepin yoor helthy and wize.

Aye wuz owt walkin, just walkin, the uthr nite,
Und aye herd an owil talkin with the mune(it was fool).
The mune sad to the owil, "Aye've been wachin. 
On your planit. Which has moor form – sound or lite?"
The owil sad, "I don't noe; they both seem qite formidable tu mee."

Thu world laffed. 

Aye, me man, Aye kid u not.
Thaer wir toornadoes, phluds, herrikanes and moor all  ovr.
Aye,  now me theenx its good wee liv on a planet that duzn't laff tue much,
Oor, at leest, takes turns, like a
Marchin band, ware it duz wot, when it duz wot.
We kood end up on uh barren woorld lyke Marz!